No one expects that when they marry someone, that one day they’ll end up staring at divorce papers in disgust and anguish.
Our experts have compiled a list of some of the best tips you can use for a peaceful divorce. Avoid making mistakes that can hurt you and your family emotionally and financially.
Go see a therapist
Even before you decide to file for divorce, going to see a therapist can save you thousands of dollars. Your lawyer is not a therapist.
Despite your lawyer being the person you should confide in, your lawyer cannot offer you the tools to emotionally navigate this obstacle.
Seeing a therapist can help you work through resentments towards your ex, and set your priorities straight. Emotions will run high during this process, even in the most amicable divorces. Many people will begin the divorce process by believing it will be cut and dry, but will end up doing or saying something out of spite.
Get yourself financially ready
Getting divorced is already an expensive process. However, hiring your lawyer may be the least of your worries when it comes to finances. Figuring out how you’re going to be able to sustain yourself and children after the divorce will prepare you for life after the divorce.
Most of the tension in the divorce will be from your finances. A marriage means that you share income, debts, and assets with another person. Prepare yourself to have less income, and to rearrange your financial burdens and assets.
Figure out how you want to separate
It’s no question that most people want their divorce to be as inexpensive as possible. This is why most people will opt to divorce through mediation.
When you do get divorced, there are two options you have:
- Mediation: Reaching agreements and settlements outside of a court through a neutral third-party. This process will allow everyone to reach a fair consensus, and will cost significantly less.
- Collaborative Divorce: Everyone and their legal teams signs a Participation Agreement that states an agreement will be made without litigation. This ensures all legal proceedings stay out of the courtroom.
If you’re divorcing your partner for their abusive behavior, you may need to go to court. A lawyer will recommend you file for a restraining order to protect you and your children.
Set future goals and envision a new lifestyle
It’s very easy to lose sight of what you actually want when you’re getting divorced. Be honest and realistic when you planning your new future. Figure out how to equally manage your children, and how you’ll plan for their future.
A therapist will also help you set those realistic expectations, and give you tools for having difficult conversations about your children. If there are financial burdens or assets you want to protect from your children, call a lawyer. Your lawyer can help you legally protect your assets from your ex during your difficult divorce.
Let your lawyer do all the talking
Aside from your children’s well-being, do not talk to your partner about the divorce and the divorce proceedings. Let your legal team do all the talking. Couples going through a divorce will often say things out of spite or things they may not mean. This can get you or your partner in a lot of legal trouble.
It’s best to leave the drama out the legal proceedings and save your resentments for your therapist. If you do begin to feel frustrated during negotiations, take a moment away from the proceedings to collect yourself.
If you find it’s too difficult, speak to your lawyer to see if you’re truly needed during this time. Your lawyer can fully represent you during most of the divorce proceedings, and will ensure you receive everything you’re legally entitled to.
Even if your partner decides to say or do hurtful things, there’s no reason to sink to their level. It’s your lawyer’s job to protect you, your family, and future goals. During this emotional and stressful time, you need to stay vigilant and focused.
You could offer your partner to attend therapy with you so they can discuss their resentments in a healthy and respectful manner. Avoiding unnecessary confrontation will also help maintain a civil relationship with your partner after the divorced is finalized.
Know what you’re getting into
There’s a lot we didn’t cover about getting divorced in this article. And like every marriage, every divorce is different. Talking to a lawyer can give you some insight into other options and factors you may want to look into. Our Premier Partners at My Case Helper can help you navigate this difficult situation.